(500) Days of Summer (2009)

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Three Sentence Synopsis: Tom (Joseph Gordon Levitt) plays a copywriter for a card company that falls in love with the new girl in the office, Summer (Zooey Deschanel). The problem is Summer doesn’t believe in love. Tom falls in and out of love with Summer, while Summer falls in, out and back in love with the whole idea of love (tongue-twister).

What’s in it for the dudes: A lot. If you grew up in the ’90s like myself, you already knew how badass Joseph Gordon Levitt was before ever watching this movie. I mean, as a kid, he rocked the silver screen alongside Tony Danza, Christopher Lloyd and Danny Glover in Angels in the Outfield. On the female side, you might have to be more of the artsy type to find Zooey Deschanel hot, but as you watch the movie, you’ll probably start to believe that her and JGL are perfect for each other. Also, a greeting card company has to be the absolute perfect setting for this romantic comedy. What better place could there be for two artsy folks to fall in love? Also, be prepared for one of the best post-implied-sex scenes you’ll ever witness. When you think you’re having a great day, you’ll have to compare it to Joseph Gordon Levitt’s character after his implied night of lovemaking to Deschanel’s character. It comes complete with Village People-esque characters and an animated bird.

Male Watchability: 8/10

 

Legally Blonde (2001)

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Three Sentence Synopsis: Elle Woods (Reese Witherspoon) gets into a nasty break-up with the guy she planned to marry. She wants him back, and decides she’ll just follow him to Harvard Law to get him. She proves to him that she is not a blonde bimbo, but in the process realizes that she doesn’t want him anymore.

What’s in it for the dudes? With Legally Blonde, you get Reese Witherspoon and the lesser known Wilson brother eventually falling in love. You get some solid courtroom drama, and you get to see a fairly decent underdog story. There are a lot of references to Cosmo (or as Elle puts it, The Bible), and there’s a great deal of “girlie” scenes. As a male, you will get introduced to the science of a perm, as well as the “bend and snap” method of attracting a guy. I think you’ll find Luke Wilson’s character to be very relatable to a great deal of us men, and it’s entertaining to watch him as he tries to figure out Elle. Alpha-males, beware. This one will be tough for the tough-guy to stomach; there’s just too much pink for some to stomach.

Male Watchability: 6/10

Mean Girls (2004)

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Three Sentence Synopsis: A young Lindsey Lohan plays the roll of Cady Heron, a new student from South Africa that finds herself in the most stereotypical American high school. She befriends “The Plastics,” led by Regina George (Rachel McAdams), and quickly becomes one of the coolest girls in school. This is a synopsis of high school in an hour and thirty minutes.

What’s in it for the dudes? This is a tough one to evaluate. Me: I liked it. What the prospective male viewer needs to decide on is this: Is reminiscing about Lindsay Lohan before all the arrests and Rachel McAdams in her prime worth it? I personally find that the movie itself is good on its own, with great supporting performances by an SNL trio of  Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Tim Meadows, who plays the principal of this problem-laced high school. The problem is that I can’t speak for the rest of the male population. In the chick flick genre, I think there’s better selections that can be made to keep yourself entertained, but have this one ready-to-go when it becomes relevant again. By that I mean watch it after Lindsay Lohan gets arrested again.

Male Watchability: 6/10

Definitely, Maybe

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Three Sentence Synopsis: Maya Hayes (Abigail Breslin), fresh out of her first sex ed. class, wants to know how her mom and dad fell in love. Father Will Hayes (Ryan Reynolds) unfolds his entire love life to Maya, and finally gets around to telling her how he met her mother. In the process, he realizes who he should be going after.

What’s in it for the dudes? Reynolds gives a nice performance in this chick flick, and Breslin (in my opinion) makes it clear that she is the queen of child actors. Also, if you’re into politics, then this might be the perfect chick flick for you. You get an interesting take on the ’92 election that catapulted Clinton to the White House (Reynolds’ character works for the Clinton campaign), and you get to see what it might have been like to be a Clinton staffer in the wake of the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal. Basically, this movie does a great job of fast forwarding through the decade that was the ’90s.

Male Watchability: 7/10

**While watching, remember that you are lucky enough to be watching this film instead of newer movies by Reynolds (Green Lantern) and Breslin (Nim’s Island). I assure you that this movie beats those two any day of the week.

The Switch (2010)

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Three Sentence Synopsis: Jennifer Aniston plays the role of Kassie Larson, a 40-year-old running out of time to have a child. Being a single woman, she goes the route of artificial insemination. Unfortunately, her best friend Wally (Jason Bateman) thinks he’s a better candidate then the guy she selects.

What’s in it for the dudes? I don’t know. Admittedly, I’m a big Jennifer Aniston fan, and I was rooting for this movie from the start. In the end, though, it was just the most middle-of-the-road chick flick I’ve ever seen. It was never really bad, but it was never really good. There wasn’t a single scene where I laughed out loud. Bateman was alright. Aniston was alright. Bateman and Aniston’s kid was more of the same: alright. Bottom line: This movie is the neutral circle that you bubble in every now and then on a survey when you don’t know how to feel about something.

Male Watchability: 5/10, of course

The Wedding Planner (2001)

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Three Sentence Synopsis: Wedding planner Mary Flore (J-Lo) falls in love with doctor Steve Edison (Matthew McConaughey), and then all hell breaks loose. It turns out Steve is getting married to Veronica Vaughn (yes, the woman from Billy Madison) and Mary, who happens to be engaged herself, is the woman in charge of planning their wedding. The ebbs and flows that follow prove that you can’t stop love.

What’s in it for the dudes? If you’re like me, you often find yourself checking out a movie’s rating on IMDB or Rotten Tomatoes before watching it, just to make sure the movie isn’t a total dud. I find that this one is a diamond in the rough, though, because IMDB only gives The Wedding Planner a 4.8 rating. I find it to be much better than that. If we were to put this movie in the East Regional of the NCAA tournament, The Wedding Planner would be about a 13 seed, whereas Eat Pray Love, with the star power of Julia Roberts, would come in as the four seed. By the time the buzzer sounds, those of you who picked the upset would have a good looking bracket because there’s really no comparison in these two films. Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey have great chemistry together, and the film isn’t too predictable as far as chick flicks go. It turns out Bridgette Wilson (Veronica Vaughn) isn’t that great of an actress, but it’s still cool seeing her play an integral role in the film. If you’re a total alpha-male, this one might be too much for you. But if you’re looking to enjoy a light-hearted love story with your special lady friend, this isn’t a bad choice. You could do a lot worse (See Eat Pray Love).

Male Watchability: 6.5/10

**In addition to Veronica Vaughn, you also get an appearance from Frances Bay, who you might remember as Adam Sandler’s sweet old grandma in Happy Gilmore. Awesome.

Eat Pray Love (2010)

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Fun Fact: I never made it to this scene of the movie.

Three Sentence Synopsis: Liz Gilbert (Julia Roberts) goes through a messy divorce with her husband. After a fling with David Piccolo (James Franco), I think she decides to travel the world to find herself and eat great food. This one was impossible to watch, and I think it’s only worthy of a two sentence synopsis.

What’s in it for the dudes? Nothing. Nothing. Well, almost nothing. I heard that the book was great, and thought the movie couldn’t be that bad. The result leads me to believe that this is the worst film adaptation of a book ever made. I would like the person responsible to know that he or she failed to make this movie good enough to get me through any more than the first 56 minutes of this two hour and 20 minute love story. I say love story, but that’s all speculation seeing as I could not even make it through the first hour. From what I saw, it was actually more of a “running away from love” story. That, and Julia Roberts learning how to speak Italian. Think of the first hour as a crappy version of Runaway Bride. I’m just glad I watched this movie during the day because if my bedroom would’ve been any darker I would’ve surely fallen asleep. Even the name is awful. I kept searching to see if I was supposed to put some commas or periods after each of the words, but sans punctuation seems to be the way it was intended to be. Men: At all costs, avoid the horrid excuse for a motion picture. Honestly, that goes for women, too. This book turned film is like an evolutionary mistake. It is the appendix of movies. It’s just not necessary.

Male Watchability: 1.5/10

**For all you guys that grew up in the ’90s, there is one, albeit extremely minute, thing to look forward to if you find yourself watching Eat Pray Love. Mike O’Malley, former host of Global Guts, makes an appearance as one of Julia Roberts’ friend’s husband. Enjoy his screen time while it lasts.

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (2003)

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Three Sentence Synopsis: Ben Barry (Matthew McConaughey) bets that he can make any girl fall in love with him, and is willing to wager the account management duties for his advertising agency’s largest client, Delauer Diamonds, to prove it. His boss and two coworkers give him the task of making Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson), a how-to writer for a Cosmo-esque women’s magazine, fall in love with him in 10 days. As it turns out, Andie was given the task of losing a guy in 10 days for her next story, and it makes for a roller coaster week and a half for the new couple.

What’s in it for the dudes? The next time your special lady friend recommends the two of you relax and enjoy a good romantic comedy with a blanket and a glass of wine, suggest this flick and prosper. While Kate Hudson’s erratic behavior in the middle of the film is completely ridiculous (and will drive you insane), it gives us guys in the audience a chance to connect with Matthew McConaughey’s character, which is a change-up from us normally just making fun of him for never wearing a shirt. You also get a somewhat believable and compelling storyline, some great dating tips from McConaughey’s character,  and you even get to see the New York Knicks in the NBA Finals. Add to that the fact that your lady will have fallen head-over-Christian Louboutin heels for the on-screen couple, and you’ll each finish the movie with a smile on your face.

Male Watchability: 8/10

Ahh Yes, The Chick Flick

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You can call it a guilty pleasure. I call it the truth. I love a good “chick flick.” Over the coming weeks and months, I, Cory McCollum, a heterosexual male, will be telling you all my uncensored thoughts on the romantic comedies that I cast my eyes upon. This should prove to be a great experience, as well as a great excuse to fuel my once secret obsession. I hope you enjoy the reviews, and I would love your feedback.

Cheers,

Cory